Read the answer to a nagging question

Yesterday I read this almost hopeless question of a girl madly in love, trying to save her relationship. When you send in your question what you should decide on your relationship to an online magazine, where even unkind Internet trolls feel bound to answer your dead serious question, there is a huge problem within your relationship.

This could happen to all of us. We all must have wondered at least once in our life whether it will be career or love that can give the meaning of life.

Here comes the question that she sent in:

“Dear reader, my partner will move to Australia for 3 years to start with his PhD. I feel left out, somehow due to his behaviour for not involving me in this process. What should I do? Leave or stay?”

I thought I should start reading everyone’s comments pouring out their thoughts, and sharing their experiences. I left the popcorn behind out of respect to the subject.

The comments started nice. People were supporting this young woman who was puzzled about the situation life had brought her to.

“It is not a good sign that he doesn’t involve you in such an important decision.”

And “You should talk to him again and find out what he really thinks about your relationship together.”

But then the Internet trolls took the lead.

“You don’t seem very supportive! This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you should be there for him.”

“This is not about you, it’s about him!”

“Just be there for him!”

Well, that escalated quickly.

We get it. Some people believe it’s about the other. While others believe love is about them.

In reality, when two people commit themselves to a relationship, it’s about you together as a couple. This means it’s not only about the other, but also about you as an equal partner. For me those unsupportive comments didn’t really seem in place.

It is fair to say we should never give up on our hopes and dreams. Some ambitions and dreams can’t be shared with your other half. They are all yoursand it is up to you what to do next.

The guy in this story who decided to leave the foundation they had built together, committed himself to his future career. He didn’t care as much about those sweet moments they had shared all along and he wasn’t scared to face loneliness again. He maybe even could see himself with a new potential partner and he didn’t see these precious efforts as a sign that someone truly loves both him and their shared memories. She was trying to save a bond, but the bond was already broken.

This story is so contrasting to the story of another couple I know. The girl in the next story went to America for a year and a half and her partner was fully supportive. It was also the second time that they were spending their time apart. I will never forget those tears he cried when they were saying goodbye to each other at the airport.

Yeah, I was staring at them. Love is beautiful, right?

In a blink of an eye it became clear the only couples who survived these nagging life questions were the ones who didn’t make exclusion based choices. They don’t choose either love or career. Rather they commit themselves to both. Only after true commitment they enjoy a beautiful road of ambitions, dreams and hopes, together.

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